Hello, Port 45 Family and friends!
Kathy here with my bi-weekly blog for Port 45 Recovery. I had an experience this last week that I thought that I would share.
As a person in recovery, we are taught very early on about character defects. Things like lying, manipulation, procrastination, and fear. These are parts of our personalities that every human being on earth has but as a recovering person we have used them against our loved ones and society to perpetuate our drug use. Early on we are told that these are things that we need to change and work on daily.
Well, even after many years in recovery they still pop up in my life. I am a procrastinator. I will wait until a deadline to complete it and say that I work better under pressure (which is a lie.) I have failed miserably at this virtual learning with my children because they have learned this character defect from me. There are many of us out there failing at this home-schooling thing. I can make all kinds of excuses like “I am a single mom and I work full time” or “I am not a good teacher.” At the end of the day, it is not a reason, it is an excuse.
I can relate this back to my using behaviors. I did not have time for my children because of my self-centered behavior. So how does this behavior hurt me today? It hurts my children. They are failing because I am. This quarantine has not been easy on anyone and I must put in the extra work so that my children do not fall behind. As much as I hate it, I am going to have to learn common core math. This is just my example of how my old behaviors still leak over into my recovery life. What are your experiences with character defects?
Can you relate to my struggles with “normal” life? Leave us a message on our social media accounts so that maybe we can all benefit from our experiences. You can find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Until next time, Be safe and Happy Holidays!
Kathy